Black Love Couples Spotlight: The Butlers
Updated: Aug 5, 2019
Meet the Butlers...
How long have you two been together?
We have been together 17 years (2002) and married 10(2009); I’ve been knowing him since I was 12 or 13 years old; he was best friends with a couple of my friends' siblings so that’s how we originally met. We started dating my freshman year of high school... he was a senior!
What is your secret to making your marriage work?
Communication! Because we were young getting together we never really talked about issues we had. We would just be mad at each other and somehow whatever beef we had would be forgotten and we moved on. The first year or two of being married we did the same thing. We were living in the same house and we wouldn’t talk to each other for days instead of telling one another what the problem was. And when we would finally talk no one was big enough to apologize. Now we immediately discuss issues that we may have and it’s second nature to apologize if we were at fault. I’m not sure how we got to that point, but luckily God saw it fit to get us there.
What was the biggest misconception you had about marriage? What do you know now?
My biggest misconception was that it would be the same as being “boyfriend/girlfriend”. When you’re boyfriend/girlfriend you can break up a million times and get back together! As Boyfriend/girlfriend you seek relationship advice from damn near anybody especially when you’re young. Now I know that being married is a deeper and stronger commitment and not just a piece of paper like people say. I damn sure know you have to be VERY selective of the people you obtain relationship advice from. Outsiders can easily sabotage your marriage whether it’s directly or indirectly with the “advice/suggestions” they give.
How did you both know that the other was "the one"?
To be honest I never thought about that prior to us getting married I just figured he was the one because he was still around after all those years! I can say now I know he’s the one because I legit couldn’t imagine finding a better man for me or father for our girls; he’s not perfect by far, but even his imperfections are what makes him perfect for me!
What is the best advice that you would give to other married couples? To singles hoping to get married?
My advise to married couples and singles hoping to get married is the same. Do not and I repeat DO NOT allow friends/family/associates into your marriage when times are hard, hell, or even when times are good! They may have known you guys since y’all were dating and you may feel as though they could provide the best advice, but that’s not always the case! It’s people even now I wish I could go back and slap the hell out of for giving me bullshit advice; I look back and I’m low key like y’all were legit wanting us to break up with some of those suggestions! Now those same people say stuff to me like “Y’all are my favorite couple” or “I hope I find a good husband like Victor!” I’m glad that early in our marriage, when times were tough, I went the route of going to talk to a therapist. 9 times out of 10 you’re just wanting someone to vent to and a therapist is the perfect person. They're not going to steer you any kind of way and if anything they will shed light on things you could improve about yourself.
Thank you, Butler family, for sharing your story of Black Love!
-Dee