So many women find themselves wasting their time with guys whom are unworthy of even a second. I get messages from women daily of scenarios that they've found themselves in. Usually, she is looking for me to put a positive spin on what she is already possibly figuring out herself... she's run into a FB (fuckboy)!
It won't take a whole lot of time to figure out the new guy in your DM, or that guy you met while out at Happy Hour is a FB, if you pay attention to the red flags! This is where a lot of women tend to second guess themselves. You see the red flag, but you convince yourself that it's actually more of a shade of orange, so maaaaaybe it's not so bad!
Remember, there are two things that will show you a man's true intentions with you: time and effort! These two things are his initial investment into the budding relationship. If you are new to dating with a purpose and intention, it may be hard to decipher what's what in the game of dating.
There are some key red flags you should be looking for! When these red flags come up, call a flag on the play! The sooner you put an end to the BS and games, the sooner you can move on to the next man with true intentions of dating you with the intention of building a relationship that could lead to marriage.
Wasting time with a FB to see if he might change, or that you can prove to be worthy of his time and effort... it's counterproductive if you are dating with a purpose!
I've gone ahead and made a short list of some red flags that lots of women are met with in the dating world! If you come across any of these red flags... at worst, you've likely met a FB! At best, he's just a guy who is unsure of what he wants, and you don't need that type of man in your life, anyway!
The Date Dangler
So, you meet a new guy and you give him your phone number. You guys begin texting or talking on the phone and things seem to be hitting it off just fine. The conversation is funny, exciting, and keeps you wanting to hear more. You begin to think that there may be some chemistry between the two, and he suggests the same by mentioning going on a date together... but he never pulls the trigger!
The Date Dangler is the type of FB to constantly ask you, "When can I see you?" but when you leave the ball in his court, he says, "It's up to you!" or "I don't know!" He's the guy that will send you text messages instructing you, "Hit me up when you want to go out... or chill"
The Date Dangler is doing 1 of 2 things... either waiting on you to set the date, time, and place or he wants you to ask HIM out and pursue him! Red flag!
Typically, a guy knows pretty quickly if he wants to take you out on a date or not. After one full week of conversation if The Date Dangler still hasn't pulled the trigger... you should! Call him out on it (or not), then move on... you don't have time to waste on an unsure man when you are dating with a purpose.
This guy is worse than The Date Dangler! I call him Mr. Hansel, because he likes to leave breadcrumbs for you to pick up and try to put together in hopes of figuring him and the relationship out....
Mr. Hansel will text you here and there, but never consistently. He may send you a message every couple of days or so, but it's not about you... it's his ego! Mr. Hansel loves having a stable of female text-buddies, and it's a boost to his ego when he texts and gets a response from you. This can be a blow to your ego as this is a direct hit to your self esteem. When Mr. Hansel does finally get around to texting you, it's most likely something meaningless. He may ask, "How have you been?" or "What's been up with you?" but the messages lack substance because he's simply trying to keep you on a string. Mr. Hansel, a lot of times, is also a Date Dangler, because he will send messages saying that you should hang out sometimes, but no plans get made.
When Mr. Hansel finally gets serious about the two of you getting together, usually it's just to hook up, not date! He's noncommittal and usually looking to get physical pretty quickly! Red flag!
This guy is a pro at negging! ( an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or other negative comment to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. ) He puts on the facade of knowing exactly what is wrong with single women and he's going to let you know all about it, in hopes that these things will manipulate you into proving yourself to him! Red flag!
These type of men like to sow seeds of doubt in a woman's mind to make them think that something is wrong with them. The Guru will use this especially on a woman that he thinks is out of his league looks wise, education wise, or career/ financially.
Allow me to serve as a translator for some of the things you may hear from The Guru...
"All women lie"/"I don't trust women" = Prove your loyalty to me constantly! He's looking for a woman to go out of her way to prove herself, thinking that she will be the one to change his mind about women. It's manipulation!
"Good women are a dime a dozen. Good men aren't!" = You should be lucky that you have me and do anything to be with me! He wants you pursue him and earn him, but he's forgotten something and hopes that you don't know it.... You're the prize!
"You're too picky!" = How dare you have standards and expectations of the man that courts you! He wants to make you feel bad for having standards and expectations in your dating life so that you will lower them for his benefit, because he knows that he's too lazy to meet them or can never measure up to them.
Have you ever come across The Date Dangler, Mr. Hansel, or The Guru? FB's come in several different shapes, shades, and sizes, this is but a short list!
Keep your eyes and ears open for signs of red flags and don't overlook them! Putting a hard stop to the BS is the key when dating with a purpose! Don't waste your time with an FB, when what you truly desire is a high-quality man, who sees something worth investing in when he looks at you. #TimeAndEffort
Share some examples that you've encountered while dating in the comments!
Ciao for now...