The Art of the Pre-Date
In my 9-5 life I manage a health center, and part of my job includes interviewing and hiring staff. There's an interviewing technique that I use called a "pre-interview", and I've taken the same idea of the pre-interview and developed what I like to call The Pre-Date.
The term "pre-date" has been used in another context before, and the two are not to be confused. The other context the term "pre-date" is used is in comparison to a Netflix and Chill type of date before actually going on a date. CAUTION!!! Do not do this sort of pre-date!! Continue reading below for The Art of the Pre-Date for women, like you, that are dating with a purpose...
Whether you do the hiring at your job or not, you have a general idea of how the interviewing and hiring process goes. Candidates submit their resume' and/or application and those that are qualified are selected for interview. Now, what you may not know about is some of the things that go on in interviews. People really know how to lay it on thick! They will sell you whatever story fits their best interest, whether it's a sob story or a champion's tale. It's harder to reject someone after hearing their life story, hopes and dreams. Either way, I've learned that doing a pre-interview saves me time and personal investment. Here's how you can use the same technique in your dating life, and this especially works for online dating!
Step One: The FaceTime Date
No one likes going on a date only to find out that the guy who looked like Sauve' Stephan online, is actually Steve Urkel in person. Ladies, I know I'm not the only one who hates going on a date just find out the guy is weird or creepy and being stuck trying to figure out a way to get out of it... one of those, "Call me and act like there's an emergency" texts being sent to your bestie, anyone? lol
FaceTime (or any other video chat app) sets this process on easy mode. You get a chance to hear each other's voices, see each other, and you'll be able to tell pretty quickly whether or not this is a man that you'd be interested in seeing further based on physical attraction.
Step Two: Keep It Short
You want to set a time limit of about 15-20 minutes for this pre-date, and that's for good reason. This conversation should be to learn the basics about the potential new beau; where he lives, what he does for a living and where he works, confirm his current relationship status and ask what he's looking for.
Don't let him take over the conversation, if he attempts to, you steer it back to where you want it to go. Pay attention to how the conversation is going, if he continues to be evasive or pushy, you know he is playing games or doesn't respect boundaries and isn't worth your time.
You want to talk long enough to get a general vibe from him, but not long enough to get too deep. FB's know that time spent=emotional investment; that's why they try to monopolize your time in the beginning. Don't let him!
You do not want to talk long enough to get emotionally invested before he takes you out on a formal date!
Give yourself time to think it over and thoroughly consider if you want to go on a formal date with him.
Step Three: Make Your Dating Requirements Known Early
You want to make it very clear early on that you have requirements that must be met in order for a man to earn some of your time. This is your time to set the standard to which you expect to be treated. Let him know from the beginning that there will be no:
Car Dates
Netflix & Chill Dates
House Dates
Remember the "pre-date" of another context that I mentioned earlier on? You will have none of it! There is no "low key" dates to "feel each other out." If he wants to get to know you, tell him your requirements for doing so.
To help him out, tell him the kinds of things you like, where you want to go, something that caught your interest, etc. If he's interested, it's his job to make something happen for you! If he scoffs at your suggestions; red flag! He's likely cheap, a time waster, or just wants some ass! This is supposed to be his time to impress you with his creativity, thoughtfulness, charm, etc.
Setting up pre-dates is the perfect way to screen a couple of different guys in a small amount of time to verify their attractiveness, screen for early red flags, and set the parameters and and expectations as to which you are willing to date them while maintaining enough emotional distance to remain objective.
I teach in depth dating techniques for the single woman in my online course, It's Not Him... It's You! If you want to learn more about The Pre-Date, and how to manifest the love life you desire, sign up today here.
Ciao for now,