Dating can be a world of confusion when you consider all the mixed signals, game playing and flat out lying that many women encounter. So much so, that it can leave one befuddled when peeling back the layers of a new beau in search of discovering one's true intentions. I've done the laborious work for you and have found the top two things that a woman needs from the man she is dating. These two things should create a small sense of security and a foundation for the new relationship. The absence of these two things should be cause for immediate termination.
I get a lot of dating questions that revolve around time. When starting a new relationship there is a lot to wonder about when it comes to how often you should speak with your new beau, how often you should be seeing them, etc. I have a general rule of thumb for this... as often as you'd like! Seeing each other about once a week is a nice baseline, though.
I mean, we're all busy, amirite?? But, if your new beau is using "Busy" as a reason he can't take you out on that date or consistently keep in communication with you; Red flag alert! I call these guys, "fuckboys"! For the sake of keeping it, at least somewhat clean, we will refer to this type of man as "FB" from here on out on the blog!
Now, FB will send you "Good morning" texts every morning, he may even spend time sending texts throughout the day. You guys may spend time talking on the phone until 3am, and your insides are screaming out, "omg! I can talk to him about anything! He's the one!"... then, the date you've been planning suddenly falls through... he's busy! Yep, too busy to take you on that date he's been building you up to all of this time. Or, maybe he's been using the "busy" line so long you haven't even set up an initial date yet. But, luckily for you, instead of going out... he can come by your place (or you can come by his)! Red flag alert!
If our forever president, Barack Obama, was able to find time to take our forever First Lady, Michelle, out on a date night every now and then with all of his many responsibilities of running the country... I think that Jamal, the warehouse technician, can find some time to take you out, and if he cannot... ditch him and ditch him fast!
Sending a "good morning" text just isn't enough and it's not effort! Putting in effort means he's going out of his way to spend time with, speak to, and all in all, be in your presence.
Women have gotten so used to receiving no effort from the guys they're interested in, that too many FB's are being rewarded for their minimal effort! You shouldn't be swayed by the things he says if he is not proving it through his effort.
If he has genuine interest in dating you, or if he truly cares about you... it will show in his effort. He isn't going to let time get in the way. If he wants you enough, he will either find time or make time!
If he's "just not that into you," and wanting to string you along or if he's only semi-serious about you, instead of effort you will get excuses. He will put in the very bare minimum effort to keep you around. He will string you along with, "I miss you" and he will say that he wants to hang out, and then never set a date.
"What does effort look like?" you might ask... Effort looks like your guy asking you days in advance for some of your time; not last minute calls asking to come over when he's bored or everyone else is too busy for him. Effort is your guy planning a date night for the two of you; not him only showing up if you plan the date and find a time that works best for both of you. It's not him only replying to texts if you text first; it's equal reciprocation in communicating with one another.
Attempting to hold on to the no-effort-giving-FB will only leave you heartbroken in the end. If he is unwilling to give you effort in the early stages of your courtship, when he should be trying to impress you, he definitely will not put in effort once he has you!
Time and effort are the two most valuable things a man can give you early in your relationship to demonstrate his intentions. The absence of either of these two things or both, is a sign of danger ahead. If he's willing to give you all of his time but not putting in the effort to court you... red flag! If he's unwilling to give you time, but showing effort through his words... red flag! Do yourself a favor and leave him in the dust!
Talk is cheap! He's got to walk it like he talks it!
Time + Effort = Results